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A green field adorned carefully
with aged and ancient jewelry--
White stones heading mounds composed
    of softer, sweeter grass.
Marble faces silently
are telling stories faithfully:
Numbers, letters carved in stone
    Below reliefs of brass.
  Memories they would pass.

I hear the words that they recite
In echoes, as if black and white.
They speak to me with deaf ears, as
    they won't hear my response.
I'm moved to tears when they invite
me to imagine all that might
have happened when their earthly bodies
    Held their lives ensconced.
  Now stones speak nonchalance.

Eight sole years and then three score,
from ‘eighty-six to ‘fifty-four:
The fading chiseled numbers speak
    a man of sixty-eight,
But next to him, the story’s more:
a wife who passed in ‘seventy-four.
Between their rests, these lovers
    Had a twenty-year long wait,
  Now joined beneath the slate.

Another, titled "Edwin Jones"
Had flowers carved into his stone
And roses as if gold had once
     Adorned his resting place.
Now his grave is left alone
With no one left to visit bones
of an old man whose friends have all
     been buried by his space,
  With memories erased.

I wonder if their resting places
really mirror how their faces
Impacted the world around that
     to us they convey
Men and women's daily races,
Fights, repentance, and embraces;
Now passed on, but what they've done
     Defines our lives today.
   They teach, then fade away.
©2006-2009 ~HeroesForGhosts
:iconheroesforghosts:

Author's Comments

Usually I finish my poems in one or two sittings, but this one took a few extra. Don't really know why.

Anyway, I put a good amount of effort into this one; the ryme scheme was a little tough. Hope you enjoy.

(Hmm, I was just a day short of Memorial Day, with finishing this one... that's a shame.)

Comments


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:iconjemimaaslana:
This is an absolutely brilliant poem. I read it aloud to myself to really appreciate the rhyme scheme, and while it's complicated it makes it incredibly powerful and left me with a lasting impression.

I won't say much in the way of the technical stuff, the critiquers at Poetry Please have done a good job of it already (that's how I found my way here). I just had to say bravo and :+fav: it.

I figure I'll try my hand at this rhyme scheme one of these days. Hard, yes, most likely, but it seems to give a unique flow to the poem, one I haven't run into before.

Thanks for sharing this one with us all.

--
FiH 349 - Yeah, I just started counting. We'll see how it goes.
:iconheroesforghosts:
Thank you! I'm proud of the original rhymscheme even more now that I hear that it is indeed unique and something special to the poem.

I'm very glad to hear that you appreciated it, and thank you for sharing your feelings.

I was browsing your works, and noticed that your poem "The Stories They Tell" is somewhat similar in theme, but still distinctly different, and that made me smile.
:icontruebard:
I read over the critiques that you received from the workshop, and they are a nice overview, but to my surprise, not one mentioned the rhythm in this poem. I think this is singularly the most interesting aspect of the piece, if what I perceived to be your intention was, indeed, you intention. It appears as though you based the poem in several different syllabic meters, varying depending on the rhyme, and I think this has been totally looked over. This is one of the most innovative things I have seen in a very long while. And although it is not perfect, showing breaks in the pattern in almost every stanza, I still must admire your attempt. This is an excellent piece of peotry, good show.
:iconheroesforghosts:
Very perceptive of you, I had noticed that it had gone unmentioned as well. Perhaps it's simply unwritten, it's just part of what makes it flow (for the most part, at least) but I'm glad you've mentioned it.

Thank you very much for your insight.
:iconjemimaaslana:
Yes, different stories told :P Thanks for taking a look :)

I take it it's your very own rhyme scheme then. I wasn't sure. I'll credit you if I do manage to write something I'm happy with, in that scheme.

--
FiH 349 - Yeah, I just started counting. We'll see how it goes.
:iconjemimaaslana:
Sorry for spamming your inbox. I just remembered why I thought the rhyme scheme seemed somehow familiar. Your rhythm is slightly different byt the rhyme scheme is the same as the one we see in Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven. Don't know if you're aware of this, it is after all possible for two people to have the same idea, but at least this explains why the scheme didn't seem so foreign to me as I would've thought.

--
FiH 349 - Yeah, I just started counting. We'll see how it goes.
:iconheroesforghosts:
Ah, you're right! The Raven has -very- similar rhymes. It's all AABCCBB and mine's all AABAABB (except a little looser than Poe's, heh)

Good catch, there.
:iconjemimaaslana:
Yep, your rhythm's a little looser but your rhymes are stacked more heavily, and thus makes it different. But the build-up of the stanzas is the same and that's why in reading it felt familiar. I could suddenly hear "Once upon a midnight dreary..." in my mind.

--
FiH 349 - Yeah, I just started counting. We'll see how it goes.
:iconcypher-neo:
Technical: I love the rhyme scheme you used in this poem. The wait was definitely worth all the extra work you put into this poem.
I feel you need to remove the few contractions you have in this poem, and replace them with their uncontracted form. S2L5 for example would flow much better if it read, "I am moved to tears when they invite,"

Personal / Artistic: Excellent rhythm and structure. I look forward to seeing other poems like this. :)

:+fav:

--
Sean Murphy
Message Network (MN@) Operator
deviantART Inc.

--
We didn't start the flame war...
Peeps were hatin on it, before I left my comment.

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May 31, 2006
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