A green field adorned carefully
with aged and ancient jewelry--
White stones heading mounds composed
of softer, sweeter grass.
Marble faces silently
are telling stories faithfully:
Numbers, letters carved in stone
Below reliefs of brass.
Memories they would pass.
I hear the words that they recite
In echoes, as if black and white.
They speak to me with deaf ears, as
they won't hear my response.
I'm moved to tears when they invite
me to imagine all that might
have happened when their earthly bodies
Held their lives ensconced.
Now stones speak nonchalance.
Eight sole years and then three score,
from eighty-six to fifty-four:
The fading chiseled numbers speak
a man of sixty-eight,
But next to him, the storys more:
a wife who passed in seventy-four.
Between their rests, these lovers
Had a twenty-year long wait,
Now joined beneath the slate.
Another, titled "Edwin Jones"
Had flowers carved into his stone
And roses as if gold had once
Adorned his resting place.
Now his grave is left alone
With no one left to visit bones
of an old man whose friends have all
been buried by his space,
With memories erased.
I wonder if their resting places
really mirror how their faces
Impacted the world around that
to us they convey
Men and women's daily races,
Fights, repentance, and embraces;
Now passed on, but what they've done
Defines our lives today.
They teach, then fade away.














Comments
I won't say much in the way of the technical stuff, the critiquers at Poetry Please have done a good job of it already (that's how I found my way here). I just had to say bravo and
I figure I'll try my hand at this rhyme scheme one of these days. Hard, yes, most likely, but it seems to give a unique flow to the poem, one I haven't run into before.
Thanks for sharing this one with us all.
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FiH 349 - Yeah, I just started counting. We'll see how it goes.
I'm very glad to hear that you appreciated it, and thank you for sharing your feelings.
I was browsing your works, and noticed that your poem "The Stories They Tell" is somewhat similar in theme, but still distinctly different, and that made me smile.
Thank you very much for your insight.
I take it it's your very own rhyme scheme then. I wasn't sure. I'll credit you if I do manage to write something I'm happy with, in that scheme.
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FiH 349 - Yeah, I just started counting. We'll see how it goes.
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FiH 349 - Yeah, I just started counting. We'll see how it goes.
Good catch, there.
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FiH 349 - Yeah, I just started counting. We'll see how it goes.
I feel you need to remove the few contractions you have in this poem, and replace them with their uncontracted form. S2L5 for example would flow much better if it read, "I am moved to tears when they invite,"
Personal / Artistic: Excellent rhythm and structure. I look forward to seeing other poems like this.
--
Sean Murphy
Message Network (MN@) Operator
deviantART Inc.
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We didn't start the flame war...Peeps were hatin on it, before I left my comment.
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